Behold you delight in truth in the inward being,
And you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.
Psalm 51:6 ESV
I carefully chose a top that wouldn’t show sweat. Otherwise, when I am nervous, my arms have to stay at my sides and I already had too much to think about. Right now though, I wrapped my layered sweater further around myself, crossing my arms to keep it in place. Nervous cold sweats are not pleasant either.
The simple note that I held was now limp:
God wants you to know…
I see you
I hear you
I love you
Who left this on my hotel bed? A single rose had lain waiting too.
The answer had to wait.
Right now, my thoughts were scrambled. And this was the moment I had both dreaded but knew was meant to be. It was the pivotal point where I take the step of faith, use presentation skills acquired at work, and bring a message to the women of my Church.
It was only two years ago at this retreat that I even spoke a broken part of me. Freeing me of shame that had festered since I was young. Younger than I thought I was at the time. The few words spoken from deep within reassured another and brought liberty to me.
And then last year, same retreat, an epiphany:
When we share a dark part of ourselves people don’t see darkness…they see light.
Darkness and light cannot co-exist.
And light always wins over darkness.
Once spoken, the accuser’s power is broken, and people see victory (see Revelation 12:10-11).
All this shame is eating us alive when we keep it hidden. That which we don’t dare share. We couldn’t bear the judgment, the ostracism, the polite glances. But when we speak it, in a safe place, we allow God’s healing, in. Light infiltrates the darkness. Others do not see our skeletons, they see our Father glorified.
Light always wins over darkness.
We flick a light switch to rid a room of darkness. But you can’t shine dark into light. Seems ridiculous to even say. Light…the Light of the World…always wins.
Others, get permission to share a part of them too. And this courage unifies us,
…it unifies us.
Following a Holy Spirit prompting, being real in person allows a touching of spirits that makes smiles to each other deeper, and hugs more sincere.
I did sweat during that sharing of my story, but the shirt didn’t disappoint. And the friend, that somehow got into my room to deliver the note, had no idea I was speaking that Friday evening. But Jesus did. He knew I needed encouragement to encourage; courage to show humble vulnerability. To bring freedom and to give permission.
And her following the nudge and being obedient, pushed me to shift my confidence a little more to my God. Who sees me, hears me, and loves me.
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